Thoughtful Ways To Praise Your Child Without Saying ‘Good Job’

“Good job!”

“You’re so smart.”

These sound like such great affirmations, but this isn’t exactly beneficial to your child. While your intentions are good, constantly using phrases like “Good job” and “You’re so smart” can sometimes have the opposite effect. Did you know studies suggest that these phrases might hinder your child's development of resilience and adaptability?

Examples to Consider

Example A: Your child gets dressed on their own one morning, and you say, “Good job.” If they struggle the next morning, they may feel like they’re doing a “bad job,” which could affect their confidence.

Example B: Your child comes home with a perfect score on an assignment, and you say, “You’re so smart.” When they later receive a lower score, they might feel inadequate, thinking, “If I’m smart, why did I struggle?”

Instead of these common phrases, try using more descriptive and effort-focused praise. Here are some effective alternatives to encourage your child’s growth and self-confidence.

Here’s What to Say Instead:

“That took a lot of work!”
Example: Your child dresses themselves. “You chose the blue dress and buttoned it all by yourself. That must have taken a lot of work.”

“I can see that you…”
Example: Your child draws a colorful picture. “Look at all the shades of blue, green, and yellow. I can see that you went round and round with your crayon to make these circles.”

“You look proud. Are you?”
Example: Your child carries a heavy bag upstairs. “It must have taken effort to carry that bag all the way up. You look proud. Are you?”

“How did you do it?”
Example: Your child makes a handmade book. “You created your own book! How did you do it?”

“I appreciate your hard work.”
Example: Your child helps bake. “You mixed the batter so well. I appreciate your hard work.”

“I’m so happy for you because…”
Example: Your child makes the sports team. “You’ve practiced so hard. I’m happy for you because I know how much this means to you.”

“You did it!”
Example: Your child solves difficult math problems. “Math can be tough, but you kept at it and solved them all. You did it!”

“How did you come up with the idea for this?”
Example: Your child builds a toy tower. “This looks so creative! How did you come up with this idea?”

“Your studying really paid off.”
Example: Your child aces a test after lots of preparation. “I’m proud of you. Your studying really paid off.”

“How creative.”
Example: Your child reorganizes their room. “You’ve rearranged everything. How creative!”

“I noticed that…”
Example: Your child folds towels neatly. “Thank you for helping! I noticed how neatly you folded the towels.”

“…shows that…”
Example: Your child returns lost money. “Returning the money shows you’re honest and trustworthy.”

“You are making a lot of progress.”
Example: Your child practices piano. “This piece is challenging, but you’re making a lot of progress.”

“I’m amazed by…”
Example: Your child tells funny stories at dinner. “I’m amazed by how creative and entertaining your stories are!”

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